Hoovers with smiley faces, and why would I fake being me?

Smiley faces
I was vacuuming up the contents of a Hole Punch today that failed to hit the bin but inches away, suddenly it struck me as I turned around (Bloody silly place to leave a filing cabinet if you ask me.......but I digress......)

Anyway as I'm rubbing the lump on my head I turn to the vacuum cleaner. Why has it got a smiley face on it , Its like sucking up dust and detritus is a FUN FUN FUN thing to do.
I pondered this for some time and went into la la land as I tried to fathom Why?

Somewhere there was a board meeting ............

Ben: "Hmm Cleaning jobs......they are a it of a shit detail, what can we do to boost moral , ooh how about a mop that plays a tune when it gets wet Jerry?"

Jerry:" Nah they are a bit simple and will only break it"

Ben: "I know they all have the mentality of a 5 year old lets give them their own little friend in the form of a Hoover."

Jerry: "Genius! they can talk to it and feed it crumbs and the stuff that falls out of hole punches."

Ben: "That's settled then meeting adjourned ...........oh and shall we pay them a bit more cos the job is a bit poo to be frank?"

Jerry; "Nah fuck em!........ they will be too busy having fun with their new friend anyway"

Yeah right!

Fake me?
Cant go into too much detail but I'm having trouble getting my proper ID badge made up and this is an arse cos it means I need to park miles away on the other side of the site (and Boy is it a big site).
They have had Bills, Licences, Photo cards, Birth Certificate things with my national insurance number on it but still no Dice.

I don't have a Passport cos I don't go abroad and besides I'm scared shitless of flying.

I'm Pretty sure They have enough for credit fraud/Identity theft and are but a DNA strand from being able to clone me.
but still no card
I have no money in the bank, No savings and pretty much little of value so that's a Hiding to nothing anyway if it is credit fraud ID Theft.
Why would anyone want to fake being me anyway?, beats me so it cant be that.
So its got to be a security thing then, to stop thefts from the company.
ERM HELLO SCROLL UP what do i do for a living again?

I'm hardly going to wiffle a full Hoover bag under my coat out the gate am I , or a pair of poo soaked marigolds either.

The World has gone mad!

Laters
Mark